If you like reading other people’s diaries, peeking into medicine cabinets, or just oddly curious about how other families and marriages really work (or don’t), you might be into today’s announcement – something we’ve been wanting to do for a year and a half. Brian has wanted to write more here for a while, about us, mid-life expectations (and disappointments), parenting, masculinity – literally all the challenges. Life as we experience it. I’ve also wanted to write more from the personal angle with a lot of “inside the business” stuff (I’ve got stories). But it’s all solidly non-design related, and at times this platform felt wrong for it, both in subject and in safety. And yet we have little embarrassment or shame around our failures or challenges (ask our friends), and Brian is a fantastic writer and sharer that I think a lot of you (or your partners) can connect to. So we are launching a personal Substack newsletter, which is a weekly paid newsletter that comes to your inbox, called “Brian and Em”. It will essentially be a landing place for a lot of the dangerously vulnerable posts that we don’t want to be so open for public consumption (and the potential backlash that can ensue). Posts that I have wanted to write here (or have already written), but have been too scared to push publish. I think about them, write, draft, edit, and they just sit in the back end waiting for “the right day”. This blog will remain 100% the same – I’m not going anywhere, and I’ll still write some personal posts here. These other posts will be both thoughtful and off the cuff. It will be all the stuff we talk to our friends about, just shared online with those who are into it.

Like What? What Will You Write About??

I figured a list of titles might better give you an example of where my head is. Here are some I’ve already finished or want to write:

1. How (and Why) We Made Our House Safe From Porn and Online Gambling to Protect Our Kids (I Had No Idea You Could Do This)
2. Why So Many Mormons Became Bloggers in the 2000’s (As a Former Mormon, I Have So Much Insight). Speaking of which…
3. Which of the Mormon Cultural Traditions My Own Family Has Adopted (Super Solid Ideas)
4. All the Times I’ve Listened to My Gut in Business, Where I’ve Been Dead Wrong, and What it Taught Me Instead
5. My Daughter Wants to be a YouTuber. Here’s How We Are Handling It
6. What We Are the Most Strict About in Our House (It’s Def Not How We Grew Up).
7. Small Business Stuff – My PTO Policy, Who Handles Our HR, and Do I Have a CFO??
8. Why We Didn’t Have a Third Kid (And Do I Regret Stopping at 2?)
9. How We Talk About Money with Our Kids (Oof, This is Like a 10-Part Series)

The list really goes on and on. Every day as I walk, I have new ideas, things that I think would be so fun to gab about, but don’t necessarily feel right here on the blog. Some are more long-winded (duh), and some are just thoughts, theories, or recommendations that I want to share, and I wonder if other people would connect with.

What About Brian? What Will He Write About?

This whole thing started because of him. He’s been working on a novel for a few years (and finished a creative writing program last year), and now that it’s done and he’s pitching it, he has a lot he wants to write, on the more personal side. I’ll brag for a bit, but he’s just really thoughtful, willing, curious, and open (not to mention the most supportive partner and father). Dax Shepher adjacent (he’s going to kill me for saying that, but if you listen to Armchair Expert, you know what I’m talking about). But putting it out there on a very widely read design blog felt off to him (since his posts were never design related and frankly some of his humor wasn’t that well received, even though I find him personally hilarious). You might remember his post documenting his vasectomy, or even how therapy changed his life. They will be more in that vein (LOL… no pun intended).

From Brian…

“Over the course of the Substack, I’ll be exploring things all sorts of men’s issues from my own personal stories. I’ll walk you through my journey with therapy and how it saved my marriage. I’ll answer questions like: How does it feel to be the husband of a breadwinner? How does being the lead parent affect my masculinity? Why do I still have a hard time talking to my wife about certain things? Why do I sometimes withhold affection? How do I raise a boy in today’s culture? Why am I still insecure about sex after all these years?”

He continues: “I also want this to be a dialogue, so I’ll be answering reader questions — well, ‘answering’ isn’t quite right. But if there’s anything you’ve been struggling with at home or in life, with your spouse or partner, I’ll give you my honest take from a male point of view. Kinda like Ask Amy, but with a jock strap. There will be blind spots— I’m just a middle-aged white dude after all. But hopefully, if I write personally and candidly enough, something universal will pop out that anyone could relate to.”

Obviously, we aren’t perfect nor experts in anything relational, but after 25 years together, we just feel really comfortable talking about stuff that most couples go through. Or maybe we are just indulgent know-it-alls and like to give advice ….

How Much Is it? How Does It Work?

The lowest you can charge is $5 a month (and then Substack takes a cut out of that, credit card fees, etc), so that is what we are starting with (it’s just us right now, so our overhead is just our time). For us, this provides a safety barrier, a buffer that keeps people invested in us and hate readers out (unless they pay). If you are a long-time reader and this is a barrier, please email hello@emilyhenderson.com, and I will give you 3 months for free. Right now, the post will land on Saturday or Sunday mornings in your inbox (which is when we read the Substacks we subscribe to). But anything can change based on learnings.

This is an experiment, something we’ve really wanted to try, but there are a lot of unknowns. At times, we think we could expand this into a podcast, and other times, we are nervous about exposing our marriage and inner thoughts to the public. We will protect our kids, obviously, and mostly write about common issues concerning raising kids, but not specifics about ours, in a way that we would regret later. Our phone and social media policy? Sure. How are we managing video game addiction tendencies? Yep. Because those are more universal problems. But nothing too personal about each one – it’s about us way more than them.

Brian wrote the first post that is a reflection on the therapy that changed his life and our marriage (and it’s not just normal talk therapy). Head over there for a 2-week free subscription and see what you think. Substack makes it super easy to cancel or you can opt in as a non-paying subscriber and get the emails (which will show you the first few paragraphs) and then upgrade to paid if a subject really compels you. Its juicy, but its not for everyone 🙂 And if you are a longtime reader and the $5 is a barrier let me know in the comments and i’ll reach out and figure out a way to gift it to you.

xx – Emily and Brian

*Photos by Kaitlin Green

Four years ago, I was struggling pretty hard, mentally. In short, I was telling myself a really terrible story about myself, living inside my failures, unable to really see anything positive I was doing (work-wise). This was around the time when TikTok disrupted media so much, dispersing the attention away from blogs and even IG (it’s shifted back, thank god), which affected all of our numbers drastically. So my reliance on social media had to increase. And listen, I’m extremely grateful for social media because it basically supports my team and my family, but living inside it can be super toxic if you aren’t mentally taking care of yourself, which apparently I wasn’t at the time. I constantly compared myself to others (my looks, my weight, my likes/views, my house, even just sheer volume of content I was able or unable to produce). I only saw myself falling short, looking old, and not performing at the level that others were. And then I shamed myself for caring about all of those things, knowing that I was also failing at being as evolved as I thought I was. And while I was proud of the boundaries that I had in place to protect my time with my kids (done by 5 pm, no weekend posting), it seemed as though restricting my social media usage wasn’t good for business. So I felt trapped – not wanting to sacrifice my time with my kids for something that I didn’t value, but fearful that if I didn’t, the business would dive off a cliff, and then what? While I never wanted to fully give up, I stopped saying yes to annual contracts or anything that would lock me in for more than a few months, giving myself the out if I needed it, or just a sabbatical to be able to rethink it all with a clear head. And then I would feel so much guilt and shame around that – to even think about giving up a career that provided so much autonomy, fun, and financial security felt like a slap in the face to everyone else stuck in jobs that they actively didn’t like. I still loved the work, and I adored my team, but I didn’t feel like I was good at parts of it anymore (mostly the social media part). I was just beating myself to a pulp. I worried severely that I was a relic from the past, totally irrelevant and not keeping up with the times (let alone the Joneses). I was really grateful for everything my career had given us, but I was so clouded by my negative self-talk that I was spiritually very sick. I needed a massive mental shift. Outwardly, I was still positive; only Brian and my closest friends knew I was struggling. It’s not that I thought my life sucked, just that I sucked. It was a genuine midlife career crisis, a spiral so long and deep that I didn’t know how to reset it on my own. 

For years, I had done a winter girls trip with my three best friends from childhood, but this year was a 911 for me. These are my soul sisters (so cheesy, but no other descriptors make sense). Thirty-five years of friendship, support, and deep spiritual connection. The four of us are open to anything (we’ve always incorporated some sort of spirituality in our weekends – sound baths, tarot, mediums, spiritual counselors, etc). So I pitched a “wellness resort” – Canyon Ranch in Tucson (I admittedly cringe at the word ‘wellness’ these days). My newly minted sister-in-law worked there at the time and could get us all 90% off with a friends and family discount. What was typically $1,200 per person, per day, would be $120 for us. Truly insane. The kicker? No alcohol. No sipping on wine. No end-of-day martinis. But it was planned for January when I don’t drink anyway, so we were like, yeah, let’s go for it. (Canyon Ranch now has some alcohol, but it’s restricted to just an hour happy hour.)

One of my best friends brought us all the book Super Attractor by Gabrielle Bernstein. Admittedly, it’s a TERRIBLE cover, but I was willing to do/read anything that might help (and honestly, sometimes the exact material doesn’t matter; it’s the act and dedication to the process that is effective). I dove headfirst into it, doing the work (mantras, journaling, dismantling my blockages, calling on my spiritual guide). I’m a good student, and while skeptical, I had had a few spiritual experiences in the past that changed my life/perspective, so this didn’t feel too foreign to me. And this 100% changed my life (again). I’ve read a lot of these books and they all circle the same things (The Four Agreements, Lacy Phillips’s How to Manifest and Many Lives, Many Masters also had massive impacts) but I think this one hit harder not just because of how she writes (which is friendly and entertaining) but because of this combination of the weekend – exercise, friends, sleep, time, nature, space. I also just started Tara Swart’s The Signs. Her first book The Source, was more about manifestation (she’s a neuroscientist), but this one is about talking to the other side, and it’s WILD.

We exercised 2-4 hours a day (including hiking), ate so healthily, slept so much, read, journaled and then verbally digested for hours with my best friends, who were reading the exact same book. 

It was an epiphany. I felt watered and fed on all levels, and I was bursting with new growth. I came back from that weekend bouncing off the walls, filled with so much love, not just from my friends and me, but from the universe/God. I know how that sounds, but there is no other way to say it. I was so positive, filled with lightness, I saw everything so differently, like I was literally wearing rose colored glasses. The same things that triggered me 6 days before, I now saw as a gift, an opportunity, a fun challenge. It wasn’t that “only” 60k people viewed my reel, it was “how lucky am I that 60k people viewed our reel”. 

Ladies, we can not make meaningful change without giving ourselves healthy time and space away from our triggers and chaos to dive into learning and growing. You can’t just “get better” or “figure things out,” especially if you are a working mom, which means you have two full-time jobs, ripped apart on a daily basis, desperate to be great at both, and likely beating yourself up for falling short at all. 

We went back three more times to Canyon Ranch (once just Brian and me) until my sister in law stopped working there. But I’ve now re-prioritized my girls’ weekends to be focused on feeling better (inside and out) instead of just “fun”. Life is just too short to come back needing to recover. Obviously, these weekends are very, very fun, too, just in a different way.

I’ve now been to 6 different “wellness resorts” (none as high-end as Canyon Ranch, but some even better in my opinion). If you are interested, I could review them all. It’s a bougie topic for sure (even having the time to get away is a privilege, let alone the budget) – so I want to make sure the appetite is there. I’ve even conducted 2 DIY retreats at Airbnbs when we wanted to save money and get a similar result. When the elements are there, you can kinda do it anywhere.

Now, not everyone is in the same life mind-frame, and this might just seem so boring to some. But it’s all I want to do now, I’ve consistently felt so much improvement in my mental and physical health after each one. If you are interested, I’ll review the resorts that I’ve been to (trust me, it was hard to find reviews online from people I trusted). None were sponsored or discounted; I don’t think I even posted organically while there. Just some middle-aged ladies taking a break from it all to connect with each other and our spirituality, workout, eat healthy foods, read, journal, sleep, spa like crazy, and come home like 40% better humans 🙂 

Growing up Mormon, you wear a CTR ring – a constant reminder to “Choose The Right”. As an adult non-Mormon, I actually really love this concept – just not with affiliation with any religion or even morality. CTR is the Mormon version of WWJD, which I also like – a symbol that reminds you to make good choices. But today I’m not talking about choosing “good” over “bad,” it’s choosing what makes me feel better when I’m stuck in a meh or sad mood (long dark wet winters here are challenging). Last April, I read something that was pretty life-altering (and almost stupid in its simplicity). It was by a famous happiness psychologist (sorry, I forget who) who defined their “key to feeling happy”. Listen, I’m wary like most people about privileged gurus telling others how they should be happier (*cough* myself included), but every now and again a nugget really hits, and then as a compulsive sharer I want to tell you. You see when I’m stressed, sad or in a negative loop, I can easily cope with not the healthiest things (french fries, wine, chocolate, holing myself up in the dark binging Love is Blind, avoiding everyone and everything, procrastinating in the name of “self care,” blah blah) and sometimes these are totally fine but those almost never contribute to me feeling better. And I know it. And then I get so mad at myself for not making a better choice, and thus the loop begins. It’s not always easy or natural for me; I have to force it, but when I do, it has always worked.

Here it is (don’t laugh): Step 1: Identify the things that make you feel good, and then, Step 2: Do them as often as possible. 

It sounds almost too easy. Now obviously there are a ton of things out of our control that deeply affect our individual “happiness” (including, you know, societal systems of oppression, health/marriage/money problems, daily dangers, childhood trauma, mental health, chronic disease/pain, the patriarchy) so this is not meant to fix any of those – it’s just about what we have in our power to control which is our perspective and mood. Coincidentally, I’m sure in a better position to tackle any larger problems or think bigger when I’m in a more positive mood. When I started doing this 2-step approach six months ago, it absolutely shifted my day (and life) a lot, and this next year I want to make a conscious effort to do it more (November/December is always a bit slippery for me, so it’s so nice to be back at it).

Now, we can all easily list stuff we “like to do,” stuff that is “fun” for us, or even our “favorite” things to do, but this list is different. It’s less “bottomless mimosa brunch” (which is fine!) and more about what makes you feel really good about yourself, both during and more importantly after you’ve done it. And the hope is that these little micro “goods” can add up to a better day (and then life). 

So in the name of internet self-indulgence, I figured I’d list mine for you: 

1. Long walks: with the pups, with kids, with close friends, or Brian talking through all problems or simply with a great podcast – weighted or not, nature or street. JUST WALK.
2. Engaging my kids by doing something they want to do: Doing a craft with Elliot and playing chess with Charlie (and no, I don’t always feel like it, but it always feels good after).
3. “Connecting” with Brian
4. Any date night conversation where we don’t talk about logistics (which helps with #3)
5. Making and eating a healthy soup or any Sunday meal prep (I’m always so proud of myself! And my week goes so much better) – always done with a podcast if kids aren’t helping. And so enjoyable.
6. Cleaning or organizing while listening to a gripping podcast (Can this be considered a “hobby”? But yes, I also use this to avoid other things, so I have to be careful here…)
7. Weeknight TV shows snuggled with my family: Watching something that we all love equally. Simple shared experiences with a lot of physical touch (right now it’s past seasons of Survivor – we are addicted!). No phones. No scrolling. Lots of snuggles.
8. Any exercise (duh): But doesn’t have to be Orange Theory (which works but oof). I love yoga, pilates, or my Peloton (specifically with Cody or Sam Yo), a quick HIIT training, or lifting weights with a podcast. 20 minutes does WONDERS.
9. Quick fun room makeovers for my friends and family (my fantasy job – such a win/win).
10. Cold plunging or sauna blanket (sorry, I still love it – always boosts my mood).
11. Any time in nature: Hiking, cross country, staring at waterfalls, just sitting amongst trees. Turns out I need trees to thrive, rain or shine.
12. Reading in bed with Charlie or “Girl talk” with Elliot: So easy to just put them to bed, but when we make the time to go up early and connect all our nervous systems calm down, and it’s a big love fest. 
13. Having “the hard conversation” (that are so easy to put off but you feel so good afterwards – JUST DO IT!!!)
14. Helping others: Decorating for people who need the help (probably my favorite part of my job, win/win). Hoping to do even more this year (including readers and more folks struggling).
15. Leading team meetings with clarity and organization because I was prepared (so easy for me to think I can wing it or that we are just a well-oiled machine that doesn’t need tending to).
16. Team retreats! (See above!) We all feel so excited and committed after a few days together.
17. Quick family game after dinner (sometimes it sounds like so much work TBH, but we never regret it).
18. Reading blog comments and responding (I feel so connected to you and my career more, I feel more part of this community, I’m reminded why I love being here, and feel so grateful instantly).
19. Having my family over for a big, fun meal (always chaotic, always fun): The six cousins together are so heartwarming – something we never had growing up.
20. Dancing (why don’t I do this more???)
21. Listening to musicals on full blast and singing super loud.
22. Journaling (with a heavy gratefulness practice – it absolutely shifts my day). 
23. Romance novels (or any gripping novel): also helps with #3. My recs HERE.
24. Reading or listening to anything by Brenne Brown, Esther Perel or Adam Grant – my heroes: I always feel empowered, seen, and just more ready to tackle my personal challenges after spending time with them.
25. Family dog walks (kids will complain, and yet we have the best conversations).
26. Hot bath with face/hair mask, herbal tea or coffee (rainy weekend mornings are the best, also helps with #3). Hot water releases oxytocin (I think all of the above do, actually).

It’s honestly a really fun exercise to list them all (and I also printed them out for my daily reference). Sure, many of these things I enjoy or don’t mind, but most of the time it’s about the good feelings that come afterwards – the dopamine, oxytocin, or just pride that I checked the box and made a good choice. Looking at the list, it’s clear that “connecting” is my vehicle towards feeling “better”. I feel the most “good” when I connect with my kids, my husband, my friends, my team, my pets, my family, my home, my health/body, and YOU. These things don’t deplete me; they just fill me up. If I know all of this, then why do I put them off? Why do I not bake 2-3 of these into my day every day??? They are all free, and many don’t require more than 20 minutes!

Actually doing them is often the barrier, right? And it’s not about “finding” the time, I know I have to carve it out. I have to get out of my seat and off my phone. So last year I started implementing Mel Robbins’ “Rocket” 5,4,3,2,1 method to actually get myself to do any of the above things on a daily basis. Now, TBH, I’m not a massive Mel fan (I don’t currently connect with her “tough love” borderline know-it-all personality, but I can take some of what she says and implement it in my own way), but boy does this work for me. You just stop putting off the thing you know you should do and count down like a rocket ship announcer, out loud, “FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!” and you MUST, like a rocket, get out of your chair and go do it. It’s so stupid! And yet it works! Brian has caught me multiple times chanting it to myself at my desk, then getting on my workout clothes and forcing a 20-minute Peloton. And then, you guessed it, I feel better. 

So my New Year’s resolution is to do more of the above (which has been pretty derailed since Thanksgiving). Choose connection and health over depletion, K, Emily? Instead of drinks with friends, offer a walk with friends. Instead of indulging in a reality show full of toxic ladies screaming at each other, get in the bath with a romance novel, then connect with Brian. No more end-of-night doom scrolling, comparing yourself to others, just cozy up with a book.

Identify what makes you feel good, and do it as often as possible.

I know that for me, this works. I’ve tested it so many times – and every time I feel better. No real problems will be solved, but I’m able to move through it feeling so much happier. Life can feel so heavy right now, and we have such little control. Letting the SAD overtake us helps no one (both seasonal as well as just the general existential anxious feeling that can easily permeate us all if we let it).

I would love, love, love to hear what the simple things are that make you feel good inside, what lifts you when you feel a bit down (or if you just want to feel EVEN better). Maybe for some of you it would be going out to dinner to a new place, heading to a museum and staring at art, doing a DIY while listening to music, or a weekend away from the city. Maybe it’s meditation and prayer. Maybe it’s just long dog snuggles in the middle of the day. Leave them in the comment section, and it can become a big repository, an inventory of “good things” for any of us when we need a new idea or a boost to feel better. Let’s hear it (and thanks so much for listening). Cheers to 2026 🙂

Opening Image Credit: Photo by Kailtin Green

I had a dumb panic last week. I feel like I haven’t been the best at keeping to “family Christmas traditions,” instead trying new things every year, which is all fine and good, but is it less memorable? And now that Santa is behind us, will the kids even look forward to Christmas morning? We don’t cut down the tree in the forest, we don’t go to midnight mass, I couldn’t PAY my family to go caroling (sadly), I don’t make beautiful cookies, and I often totally forget to do holiday cards (I don’t have an address system!!). So last week I was starting to feel a bit pannicky (which is dumb but very “me” and in line with my parenting anxieties). Will my kids even remember the time of year that I love so much when they are grownups?? Will they get nostalgic and want to come home to relive them when they are 24 and 26?? Then I had an epiphany. The day after Thanksgiving, we always go on a walk on the same river and always eat the exact same Nutburger lunch (shout out to Sunflower in Fair Oaks). That night we always go to Brian’s cousin’s house, and we always have delicious lemon drops (for grownups) and an epic hot chocolate bar for the kids. And then we always have a dance party (three generations shaking it in the living room). It’s so simple but so special, and our kids talk about it all year. They are absolutely our traditions. What I want to remind myself (and you) is that it’s more important to be simple and specific than big and adventuresome – like even eating or drinking the exact same specific thing every year around the same time makes it feel special. Wearing the Santa hats. Opening the poppers. So I made a list of the things we do (not just the one-off events) as well as ones that I know aren’t too late to start and I’d love your help with some ideas for older kids (now that santa is officially “dead” – which is so sad, it feels like a lot of the magic just disappeared overnight.)

Family Ornament Party

This is our favorite night of the year, when we hang ornaments and relive the stories behind them. Every family trip, every lost first tooth, every big accomplishment, hell, we even have a Ruth Bader Ginsburg ornament and our favorite cat, Bearcat, ornament for when they passed. Not to mention the annual special ones I give the kids at Christmas, and they give to us (just make sure you sign and date them on the bottom). We always have hot apple cider (both grown-up and kid versions), and it’s usually saved for the Saturday after Thanksgiving (this year, we had to decorate early, so we did it the Saturday before Thanksgiving). I love this night, and it really kicks off the season. We usually end it with the first holiday movie, too. Even when the kids are out of the house, I’ll save the special ornament hanging part of the decor for when they arrive (I truly can’t imagine how big it will be by then – it’s DRIPPING even now!).

Framed Santa Picture Display

The first few years, I just had these in a box, but once I framed them, I realized how much joy it brought to the kids and me to relive them and pull them out on display. This year, I culled them down (I had a bunch of repeats – the same horizontal and vertical, with us, without us, with grandparents, without grandparents, etc) with just one per kid per year. I also framed them in ready-made gold frames which fit this house better than the simple white ones.

Soup And Grilled Cheese On Christmas EVE Eve

The 22nd or 23rd is usually when people are coming into town, and everyone wants a cozy home-cooked meal, but in a casual way, after traveling. I didn’t realize this was a hard tradition, but I always do it, so I’m going to stick to it from now on and just call it our family tradition. One year, I did a grilled cheese bar (with tomato, bacon, basil, avocado, etc) and homemade tomato soup, which was such a gut-buster but so fun. This year, I have this panini maker, which makes the best sandwiches.

Big Neighborhood Ornament Exchange (And Craft Party)

We host a big party with all our school friends (and parents who are our friends), which is a total blast. Everyone wears festive attire, and the kids draw names and secretly buy each other ornaments. This keeps the budget really simple and narrows the focus for everyone involved. We make it a big old thing where they each open one at a time, and everyone “oohs and ahs” (they are usually based on the kids’ interests at the time). Again, sign and date! This year, I want to add a hot chocolate bar for the kids. We usually do a big, organized photo ornament craft (but the 6th-grade boys are resisting this year).

Zoo Lights And A Fun Restaurant Afterwards

Admittedly, this is more fun for the kids than the grownups (it’s usually raining), and we almost nixed it this year, but when Charlie was asked by a cousin last what our family traditions are, he said “zoo lights” so fast, so I realized that, of course, we are going to keep doing it. We usually do it with the same family and get a really fun dinner afterwards at a place that delights the kids (it’s even more fun on a weeknight since the weekends tend to be so packed).

Decorate The Family Shelter

This is the 3rd year that we get to decorate this family shelter in Portland. We let the kids invite their friends (so they’ll have more fun and spread the service vibes), and I have to be VERY organized or it’s chaotic which isn’t exactly appropriate for a family shelter (the families are only involved if they want to be, some pop in and help us because they get excited but most are in their rooms). It’s extremely fulfilling, and I hope it leaves an imprint on our kids (and the shelter is so grateful that someone is making it happen). We go out to eat afterwards, and I try to gently instill the impact they just made (and lots of treats are involved). We always adopt a family or pull from the gifting tree at the mall, but this tradition feels really solid and memorable because it’s so tangible and tactile (and fun). (The Family Promise of Tualatin Valley is always looking for gift cards for moms to be able to buy their kids more specific toys and gift cards for teens to be able to buy what they want – they have a massive toy inventory for littler kids, but if you are in Portland, feel free to drop off Target or Fred Meyer gift cards:)) Big shout-out to my parents for creating a lot of traditions around service (year-round). The Mormons (and many organized community religious establishments) have it really dialed in.

Play Absolutely Hilarious Family Games

I can’t take credit for this one. My siblings and all the cousins (and grandparents) come over on Christmas Eve, and let me tell you what, my Mormon family knows how to entertain themselves without alcohol. My little sister (who is the younger TikTok version of me) brings the games, and they are absolutely ridiculously fun. One is where she wraps up something in a box covered in packing tape (like layers and layers of it), and then you have to go around the table and, only wearing oven mitts, try to open it (30-second time limit). Another is being blindfolded and trying to scoop up cotton balls onto a paper plate (not sure what we win on that one, but everyone looks so dumb, which is the point).

Matching Family Christmas Pajamas

I did this for years and kinda fell off the wagon the last 2 years (we all wore matching “Feliz Navidog” sweatshirts that have Buttercup and Oscar on them). But this year I’m bringing it back. Hanna Andersson FTW! It’s not something we did growing up (with six kids), but it’s silly and strangely bonding.

Of course, there is all the little stuff – so many family Christmas movie nights, cookies dropped off at neighbors (the super easy ones I can actually bake), and the same breakfast casserole Christmas morning. But I guess I was just feeling like now that the kids don’t believe in Santa, they are not looking forward to Christmas like they used to (which is the truth), and I want to make it feel magical despite this huge setback. After seeing this list, I’m thinking we are ok 🙂 I also fully recognize that I do enough and that the kids are certainly not lacking in anything, so I’m creating my own stress and I’m my own problem, but I think most moms can relate to wanting to make their kids’ holidays feel magical and nostalgic outside of just the presents (and post Santa).

I’d love to hear any of your favorite simple traditions that might be especially great for older kids (all are welcome!). Or maybe it’s just the little thing you add to a normal tradition to make it feel like it’s your family’s thing? The “epic hot chocolate bar” was the best example. Is there a punch you always make? A silly prank you play? A special coffee drink you make sure to pick up? A silly song only your family sings?

Comment away, folk 🙂

Opening Image Credits: Photo by Kailtin Green | From: Christmas In Our Home 2025 – Whimsy, Color, And Non-Traditional In A Really Cozy Way

My birthday is always over Labor Day, so I’m usually with friends and kids outside in nature for a few days – my preferred state of being. But I’m not going to lie that 46 feels a lot older than 45, and inching towards 50 has made Brian and me definitely think more about our future, future. We adulted hard this year (with help). We finally did a proper will/trust (so annoying but so nice to have it down). We both did extensive preventative blood work (Function Health – mixed reviews TBH), and now I’m starting a statin (genetically high, persistent bad cholesterol) and possibly some HRT. I have inflammation around the heart and low white blood cells, with no symptoms, which was rather enlightening/scary. It feels good investing in our health, but our first colonoscopy is in a couple of weeks, which doesn’t sound terribly fun. And whenever I think about amping up work, doing something bigger, growing in the design/media world, I remind myself that I have 6 and 8 more years with the kids at home and then decades afterwards to explore any career stuff I want. I listen a lot to Daniel Pink (The Power of Regret) and Arthur C. Brooks (From Strength to Strength). Everything is an “opportunity cost”, and the opportunity to hang out with my family over trying to explore my career is winning for the next 6-8 years while they are home (which I realize is a privilege, obviously). Anyway, this summer was all about family, connection, and nature – the PNW is glorious and we try to STACK it all in (including a lot of long shoots while we have so much beautiful natural light). So here’s what we did:

June: Brian And I Alone Trip To New York

Brian and I realized that this summer was our 25th “dating anniversary,” which he laughs is not a thing, and I absolutely disagree – still really liking/loving each other after 25 years is special, so you BET we are going to celebrate. The kids flew down to Sacramento to stay with Brian’s parents for a week (truly a gift), so Brian and I flew to New York just the two of us for fun for 5 nights or reliving our 20s. Brian planned the entire thing, full of food, three Broadway plays, and a trip down memory lane.

We visited our studio apartment in the East Village we lived in in 2001, had drinks at the same bars (wild!), and were so reminded of how energetic and diverse that beautiful city is.

We were lucky enough to see Cole Escola in their last weekend in Oh, Mary (speechless, so hilarious) as well as The Outsiders (so many tween/teen boys in the audience, which made me cry!), and Maybe Happy Ending (excellent, Brian and I both cried – incredibly moving).

The restaurant highlights were La Mercerie at The Guild (stunning and delicious), The Corner Store (super sceney in a fun way and also delicious), Cafe Mado (worth the trip to Brooklyn), and Kabawa (mind-blowing – #4 in all restaurants in the NY Times).

We also had some restaurant misses and didn’t sleep very well (not used to the city sounds), and we likely stayed out WAY too late most nights, but boy was it fun. We had an incredible trip, but were so drained at the end and excited to be home with the kids. I love that city and hope that our kids want to live there in their 20s, but once you’ve moved away, it’s hard to picture your life again there (in good and bad ways). So excited to take the kids when they are teenagers – it’s really so inspiring.

White Fish, Montana

While we honestly don’t need to leave the PNW in the summer (people come from all over the world to be here), we wanted a change of scenery/vibe and took the 1-hour flight to Whitefish, Montana, for a 6-night stay.

We hiked Avalanche Lake in Glacier National Park (on a guided hike, which I wouldn’t recommend, but we didn’t have parking passes). The payoff at the end was awesome, but 6 miles was a lot for the kids.

We zip-lined at the ski resort (so fun), paddle boarded the river (serene), went white water rafting (do NOT do the full day, the 1/2 day was great/long enough), and rock climbing (with a guide). We made a couple of planning misses (where we stayed was kind of a bummer), and I think I overplanned our days, and spent too much time in the car driving to Glacier (staying in a lodge there would be rad). We transferred to the lodge on the water for the last night, and it was so fun to have a reading/pool day. All in all loved the town and vibe, had great food, and explored so much in nature. Also, next time we are taking the train from Portland – that looks so fun. Montana is really sooooo special.

Lots Of BBQs, Pickleball Ball, And Family/Neighborhood Hang Time

While the summer felt like it flew by, we had a lot of weekends where we just planned a really big Saturday – either a BBQ or a big hike/lunch/biking trip out with the kids.

The weather up here (mostly in the 70s and 80s) is hard to beat, and so many bodies of water to explore.

The kids had a lot of free rein with their friends (thank you, Jonathan Haidt) and mostly played outside until 3 pm with their friends (rewarded with some downtime – i.e., screens).

A 5 Night Cycling Tour On The San Juan Islands

While Brian planned New York, I was busy planning our first “lightly supported” cycling trip while the kids were in sleep-away camp in August. I could write many pages on why this was so awesome (happy to answer questions in the comments!), but it checked almost all boxes for us – all day in nature, active, dopamine/endorphins pumping, bonding, beautiful scenery, challenging, delicious food, exhausted bodies at the end of the day with so much bonding/talking and reading time. We stayed one night in Anacortes, took the ferry to Friday Harbour, biked 75 miles on San Juan over two days (south and northern loops), then 18 miles on Lopez Island (so beautiful and serene), and 30 miles on Orcas (but we rented the E-bikes that day – our bodies were DONE and it was so windy and hilly). We spent our last night at La Conner (adorable – we want to go back with the kids). Shout out to the incredible vintage store – Smörgåsbord on Orcas – I bought like 10 things I didn’t need.

I have mostly good reviews on the program we did (Lifecycle – self-guided), the routes, customer service, our guide Tom, and the app was great (just didn’t love the first bed & breakfast as much as we wanted to for the price). Again, it was self-guided, with support if we needed (so it was just the two of us on our own – they just helped move all our luggage or arrange reservations, etc). But you don’t need to do the program if you don’t mind schlepping your own stuff around (on bike or backpack) and researching and booking way out in advance. I was glad we did the program our first time because it forced us to actually do it (because it was expensive and non-refundable, lol), but next time, now that we know our limits/skills, we’ll try to just do it on our own (unless in a foreign country).

We had never done anything like this before so having a guide to ask questions was nice, as well as better understanding how many miles a day is perfect for us (20-30) and how many days in a row we’d want to do it next time (four days in a row was a bit much without a down day in the middle). We met so many people in the second half of their lives, seeing the world on bikes that honestly just seemed so happy and youthful (E-bikes have really opened up this world in such an incredible way).

I am SOLD on cycling trips every summer in our future, and it gives me something to look forward to when the kids go to college. It felt so enriching, fulfilling, and healthy – and that first ice-cold draft beer when you are all dirty and sweaty with your partner was pretty magical. And yes, we wore bib shorts with padded crotches and everything 🙂

We also went to Brian’s brother’s beautiful wedding weekend in Tahoe (so beautiful), spent three nights camping with a bunch of school friends (the best three days of the summer for the kids), and now we are hosting two of our closest long-time friends and their kids for my birthday weekend. Horsetail Falls, Scamania, Sugarpine, and the Dhalia festival – we’ll see all you this weekend.

I wrote a very long, rambling wanna-be profound essay on how it feels to be officially mid-life, career insecurities, feelings about external and internal age, and my emotions about the kids getting older. Maybe someday I’ll formulate it into the articulate essay that I’m brave enough to publish 🙂 As we all know, there is no perfect life, no perfect marriage, no perfect school or place to live. But boy am I so grateful to still be here, able to spend time with you all, my team, my husband of 19 years now, and my two favorite kids on the planet. Here’s to 46, I’m just so happy to still be here (in all the ways) and have you here 🙂 I really, really appreciate you all more than I know how to express.

Welcome back 🙂 The EHD crew had a much-needed break with our friends and family, away from computers and I was even pretty off social media, which always feels so thrilling. My family went to Colorado where I fell in love with Cross Country Skiing, The Ducks were destroyed at the Rose Bowl which was devastating to my Brian, and the rain might finally stop here (so glad we got away for a bit, it’s been unrelenting). We have a new Portland team member starting today (Hi Marlee!) and I’ve been in dreaming and planning mode, with some fresh New Year energy. So looking at the 2025 calendar is very exciting because it feels pretty well mapped out, with some bigger shoots/projects (fairly spaced out) and some great fun easier projects. I always think it’s fun (and nosy) to know what is happening in other people’s businesses and while I can’t tell you everything here are some things that the EHD team will be up to (and some hints of the secret stuff).

Finish The River House

We are almost done with this beauty and plan on shooting the living room, dining room, kitchen, and office/game room in February and March. Why the wait? Well, we are waiting on some furniture and decor that we’ve designed that aren’t ready yet:) Tomorrow you’ll see the laundry room and soon after, the primary closet (all shot in December) and we have two more bathrooms that should be revealed soon. But the main spaces are planned but we are in a waiting game on pieces.

Family Promise Decoration

In case you aren’t familiar with this, Family Promise is a hotel-turned-family shelter that houses up to 72 families and we have been collaborating on helping them with a massive renovation. They ended up getting some huge grants for the renovation which is awesome and we weighed in on some decisions. Now that phase one is done we have two big spaces to decorate (the playroom and the multi-desk social work room).

We hope to start these rooms in January with a reveal in April. We already 1/2 designed and installed four other rooms that are furnished/painted but need some styling so you’ll see those this year, too. While I had originally thought I would be more hands-on with the renovation and picking the more permanent finishes, the building company and their architecture firm were moving fast to make decisions and stay within a very tight commercial budget. Honestly, I was just mucking it up and complicating it too much. So we are involved in the decoration and furnishing which is my sweet spot anyway (turns out budget-friendly commercial design is very limiting!).

Our Garages

Well, I know we’ve been threatening to do this project for a while but we’ve needed to save money and honestly, mentally prepare for another big construction project on our property. My brother and his friend have started a construction business so they are tackling it (already demoed). The intent is to make it as functional/safe/finished as possible on a “budget” (LOL) mostly for storage, tool org, and projects (not for cars for us, but making them, of course, work for future car use). Once this garage is done we can move all of our props, rug, and furniture storage in here (plus have a project space) and get started on the other house on the property (you know, the one that is 200 years old and dripping with charm and asbestos/lead paint/mold/rot with no plumbing, electrical or HVAC – SHE’S A DOOZY). So this garage kinda has to happen for us to keep moving on rehabbing the rest of the property. It’s just the least fun way to spend money, but we’ll document it all for you. Hilariously, garage content does really well so that’s good!

Outdoor BBQ Area

When we first landscaped we knew that we were neglecting a proper BBQ area, but we simply didn’t know where we would want to grill/hang out and we were frankly so over budget we just had to call it and wait for phase 2. After living through two summers here (and rolling around a $100 gas grill on the sports court) we know exactly where it should go. So yes, we are putting in an outdoor kitchen as well as getting rid of a 1/3 of the sports court to have more natural landscaping areas. We are working with RTA on the kitchen and Dennis’ 7Dees on the new landscaping around the kitchen and near the hopefully finished pickleball court. Reveal by April, we hope.

Secret Product Line

This last year we’ve been developing a line we are excited to debut in March. We even did a secret trip to the factory to approve everything (which we LOVED). Our big shoot is in January for a spring launch. Stay tuned.

More Rugs And Maybe Even Lighting?

We are working on the next rug launch (going to be a nice pivot as well as more colors in the ones that we love). And it’s going so well that we are pitching a lighting line. A huge thanks to my team for being able to handle these bigger new collabs so well 🙂

New Emily + Brian Venture

Brian and I are launching a side business that is far more personal (not design-related at all) that we are so excited about – he’ll be running lead, I’m kinda working for him. More to come soon, but we’ve been working on it for a couple of months and it’s all happening 🙂

Stuff At My House

Last year I had a list of stuff to get done – the family gallery wall up the stairs, kitchen cafe curtains, pleated lampshades for the living room, painting the living room fireplace, stenciling the landing floor, repainting our bedroom, designing our custom bed so the one we designed for the guest room could move up there. Sure, I thought/worked on that a decent amount but accomplished none of them.

We’ll also be mentoring a local PDX family through a renovation (look for the application details this Saturday) and am excited to do a lot more vintage shopping posts (twist my arm), long-form educational design reels, and IRL problem-solving for friends and family.

Oh and yes many of you have asked about Jess and Caitlin’s MOTO (they are almost done, we swear!) and Gretchen is working on hers as well. We are shooting my friend Robyn’s living and dining room next week and another friend’s later this spring. OH, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU – we have to rebrand and rebuild the whole site (not a cheap and fast process, but I’m finally ready to do it with more clarity on what I want it to change into).

2024 was honestly such a good year (I can’t say that with as much enthusiasm about every year, TBH) and there were still a lot of holes, opportunities for change/improvements, and things to tweak – but all doable and fun. I’m just so excited to start the year with another awesome team member up in Portland to help us execute all that we want to and by doing so make room for some new opportunities while spending a lot of time with my kids since we are T-minus 7 years til they both graduate high school. I’m feeling so grateful to have an incredible team and that you are all here reading and caring. We appreciate the heck out of you. Now let’s go 2025 🙂

All Professional Photos by Kaitlin Green

Another year has FLOWN by, a whirlwind of projects and parenting, which leads to extreme gratefulness that I get to be here, with you, my team and my family doing this version of life. It’s not perfect, but nothing is and I’m surrounded by such wonderful people (and they say the quality of your life is the quality of your relationships) I so appreciate that I can still exist here, 15 years from this blog’s birthday (January 1st, 2010 – FIFTEEN YEARS!!!). This one, the year of 2024 year was full of appropriately moderate challenges (i.e. lessons) and new opportunities to navigate. We have a lot of fun stuff planned for 2025, and every time I think “Is the internet tired of me yet?” I look at my calendar and see that it’s booked up, which I’m so grateful for. I can see the next generation of content creators coming, and they are doing such a great job in a way that is so different than us first gens. It’s honestly thrilling to be a part of.

My beloved EHD crew is taking two weeks off – a much-needed break after an extremely busy and fun Q4. But we have a lot of posts already prepped and planned (fun year in review/best of posts) for those of you who want to keep following along and like to take trips down memory lane, with me.

As for us, well I’m hosting Christmas Eve with my family and Brian’s parents, then presents and Mufasa on Christmas day. And then my family is off to Colorado for a snow/ski vacation (aka “crash and cry” for me if you saw my recent Instagram stories) for a few days. Telluride recommendations are welcome. Then with the break being so long I get to come back, de-Christmas, organize the hell out of my house while I listen to all my inspiring self-improvement podcasts. The kids have promised that they’ll help me organize and update their scrapbooks (you can take me out of the Mormon church but you can’t take the scrapbooking enthusiasm out of my heart). We might even finally tackle the memory photo wall going up our stairs together. Or I might just read a bunch of romance novels and watch the Lindsey Lohan (2.0) holiday movies on repeat 🙂

Thanks for being here, always. I know that it’s an investment in your time to stop by, read, comment, etc. I also know that the blog has changed so much over these 15 years so I thank you so much for still being here. My wonderful EHD team (which is expanding in January!!!) and I feel so grateful for you. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Holidays. xx

Opening Image Credit: Photo by Kaitlin Green

My daughter was not just a Santa enthusiast, no, she was a Santa extremist. She truly believed in the magic of Santa, that he could bring her ANYTHING she asked for and she was hilariously willing to believe all the “flying around the world going down chimney stuff” from the movies. This was funny/cute when she was little, but as her fantasy wish list grew to things that cost thousands of dollars, we were getting ready for her to know the truth. We were battling about what Santa can and can’t bring way too often and then last year she was disappointed on Christmas morning that he didn’t build her the gymnastics gym that she asked for (that we told her repeatedly he couldn’t do). I also genuinely felt bad for her – she really thought he could do that! Brian and I both hoped this was the last year. Charlie had found out two years before – he straight up asked, realizing that the “facts” were impossible. We told him his hypothesis was right and he moved on to be part of the magic for Elliot, which he loved. But Elliot was simply not willing to consider that Santa wasn’t this Christmas God who could deliver whatever she asked for. Her love for him was so extreme, adorable, and very fated to not end well.

Brian and I both agreed early on that we wouldn’t lie to them re: Santa (no judgment if you took a different path). As the fourth child in a Mormon household, Santa wasn’t a thing by the time I came around (Jesus was more of the focus). I don’t have nostalgia for Santa magic, but we wanted our kids to. It’s a rite of passage! Whenever our kids asked us if Santa was real (starting at 5), we deflected with the “Well, I sure hope so” or “What do you think???” When Charlie asked the last time (at 8) we could tell he already knew and he needed his parents to affirm his logical thinking. It was easy and we didn’t regret it. I knew that Elliot might take it harder, but I didn’t predict what would happen.

So we started letting things slip a bit, getting a little sloppy on purpose. They found the Easter candy bags the day before Easter and she discovered her tooth fairy notes in our nightstands. Little clues in hopes of her figuring it out on her own. It’s not like I wanted to tell her and strip her of her innocence, but the battle was exhausting and it just felt like she was old enough anyway. I didn’t need Santa to love Christmas, would it really matter?

In August we were snuggling in bed and she must have been thinking about Christmas (a real enthusiast, like her mama) and she turned to me and asked, “Mama, are you and Daddy pretending to be Santa? Is Santa real?” I deflected at first – “Why are you asking right now? I mean, how could we bring all the toys for everyone in the world,” etc. But she pushed one more time, “Mama, seriously are you and Daddy the ones actually giving us gifts from Santa?” So I did it. It was a split-second decision that I didn’t discuss with Brian but again, we had both agreed that another Christmas of her asking for a $2k tumble track and then being disappointed that she didn’t get it was not ideal. So with a wink and a whisper, I said, “Girl, you figured it out! Now you get to be part of it!” She smiled at first, probably feeling clever.

She came down a 1/2 hour later, besides herself bawling. It all fell into place (which is common) – The Tooth Fairy? The Easter Bunny? The one time during Covid we leaned hard into St. Patrick’s Day with green poop in the toilet bowls?? She asked question after question, crying, and genuinely angry – so sad and sooooooo betrayed. We were both crying – I felt TERRIBLE and all of a sudden Brian questioned what I did, placing a tiny bit of blame on me, even though we both had agreed on the plan!!! Mother of the year over here.

For the next three months, aka “Our Santa Grieving Period”, she brought it up 2-3 times a week. In the car. Before bed. While watching a movie. Legitimate tears. She’d lament out of nowhere, “There is no joy in Christmas now”. Other times she was actually mad, accusing “Why do all the grownups lie to all us kids??? How is that OK???” Of course we talked through how she gets to be part of the magic, blah, blah, but none of her friends know the truth yet so she actually just feels really burdened with this HUGE LIE that they are victimized by, too! It’s very existential to her – and she is TOTALLY RIGHT. She says over and over that she is glad that I didn’t lie to her face (I have apologized profusely for the egregious societal lie). We’ve both cried about it – me feeling terrible that I ruined her sense of wonder and innocence around what was our favorite holiday and her grieving the passing of Santa Claus, a jolly soul that she genuinely loved the idea of.

I’ve thought a lot about what I would do differently. I’m glad I didn’t lie to her (and she might be even more angry with me in 2 years if I did). She was thinking critically and asking me, her trusted caretaker, a really serious question. I just wish I had deflected and evaded the truth for one more year. Why didn’t I pretend I had a bathroom emergency and then come back with a new topic? Just one more year might have made the difference as her friends (in 3rd grade) will likely find out soon and she wouldn’t have to carry this secret for too long.

A couple of weeks ago she told me that she is still looking forward to Christmas, excited even. I almost cried in relief. I asked her if she has always had a really fun Christmas and she said “YES!!” so enthusiastically. I reminded her that it was always us, always about family, and will continue to be us – “we got you, I promise!” And in case you think we are all monsters, of course, we talk about the real reason for the season, how it’s not just about presents for us, the spirit of giving, helping others, etc. But listen, they are kids and Christmas is a lot about presents at their age. So I’m trying to just validate the feelings and move on to creating magic in other ways instead of lecturing about privilege (which we all know doesn’t work, thanks Dr. Becky).

I know that I’ll laugh at myself later for feeling so badly about this, I know that in the scheme of things this is nothing and she won’t be scarred forever. But if I had to do it again I wish I had simply deflected (not lied) and evaded the full truth for one more year.

I’m pretty sure this is one of those dumb topics that works us all up – I know many parents who kept the lie up til high school, most where the kids never asked and it just faded away (my dream scenario), and ultimately it’s not a huge deal. But I was really, really sad for a while that I had stolen her sense of wonder around the holidays and now I have to/get to create it in other ways (you don’t have to ask me twice!!). Hopefully hearing another perspective can be helpful if you have younger kids and are managing this precarious Santa situation. xx

Opening Image Credits: Kaitlin Green | From: The OFFICIAL First Farmhouse Christmas! (+ A Great Ribbon Hack And My Dream Color Palette)

Update: Well, it seems to be over. I think the most upsetting part is how divided we are – like we really don’t understand each other’s fears or values, and that sucks. I’m not sure if we will be monitoring and publishing additional comments. We have a lot of work today and the mental load to read them before we approve them might not be something i’m comfortable asking anyone on my team to do (we are a design blog after all). I love this country and I know its full of good people. xx

I woke up filled with hope…and nerves…and excitement…and feeling just really scared…therefore Bert, our pet alpaca seemed like the appropriate mascot for Nov 4, 2024. You see, our sweet, sweet Bert is surprised and scared by his own reflection, multiple times a day. “Intruder!! Alien! New Ugly Lover to mount!!” Whatever he is thinking, he’s both scared and excited, and I really get that today. I wrote a 5-page rambling essay over the weekend with my thoughts and feelings about how and why I haven’t really expressed said thoughts and feelings about the election here. And then I saved it to my journal drafts and started this post. It wasn’t a specific strategy, it just never felt like I was the right one to add to the conversation, which might be wrong but that’s what it was – and it says a lot about this election. It felt to me like once the Democrats had a viable candidate most people made their choice (secretly or vocally), with very few actual “undecideds” to sway. We’ve known this ma for 8 years. At this point I think everyone, on both sides, is voting out of fear – fear of going back, staying the same, or of too much change, of going forward into the unknwon. Fear of their comfortable lives not being protected or their uncomfortable lives remaining the same. I get all of that.

I wrote about these same political fears four years ago here and honestly, on the bad days, where I’m angry at those who don’t see things the same way, it has helped me reframe it all and understand the other side.

Me? I’m scared of all the normal political stuff of any election, but this year so much more. I’m scared of the freedom he’ll give the tech world – unregulated AI and social media are real threats to our kids’ mental and physical health and Musk is buying recklessness. I’m scared of the power of the conservative Supreme Court – reversing the social progress we have made towards equal rights on every front (including basic women’s reproductive rights, not to mention racial and LGBTQIA+). It could be really, really bad. Again, he is not a normal Republican. I think many of us would do anything for Mitt Romney to be the candidate.

And yet, I’m also really scared of how we are talking to each other and ironically I’m scared of posting about this all on the internet. I have years of evidence that people are behaving badly right now and that regardless of what anyone says, the attacks will come. I call it the “toddler-dom of the internet’ – a nation full of anonymous kids in a full temper tantrum and there seems to be no parent in charge. The rage that would never exist IRL really thrives on the web – because social media is young and we haven’t yet learned how to properly behave. Our internet frontal lobe is still developing. To be clear, the internet on a good day feels scary, tbh, but during an election cycle with the algorithm pumping out the worst of the worst ugly lies and extreme stories from both sides? It’s a mental minefield. So lets be kind to each other. My mantra is If you wouldn’t say it to an 8 year old in person, just don’t write it online.

If you haven’t voted because you weren’t motivated yet, go for it. And if you are on the fence, or feel weird about voting against the party that you’ve identified with for a long time – I get that, but he’s not your guy. Not this time. He’s not a normal Republican.

So all I can say at this point is the cringy phrase of “thoughts and prayers”. Crossing all these sausage fingers and rubbing our pigs and alpacas for good luck. This season of “America, the TV show” will surely be gripping. And I hope for the sake of every. single. American. that our breakout star will be our first female president. Plus, if he loses, he and I can go back to having our one special thing in common: our mutual love of a bad self-tan after too much self-indulging. We both do that so well. 🙂

*Photo by Kaitlin Green

That is certainly the question du jour in our industry and this is one soup I do not want to eat. My book, Styled, was included in the now-infamous Books3 data set – It was one of the 183,000 books that were used (stolen?) by multi-billion dollar businesses like Meta and OpenAI to train their AI models. The entirety of Styled was ingested so these language models could, you know, learn about design and styling.

Last week I went to New York with Raptive, our programmatic ad network, and partnered with 33 other content creators to launch a campaign to regulate AI online. You see, these major tech companies have built tools that have scraped (and memorized) the contents of the entire internet. These large language models, as they’re called, have ingested every publicly available photo, every paragraph, every recipe, every instruction, and every DIY; now, with the simplest question typed in a search bar, the AI model will regurgitate a generic response, without crediting the sources of its information. This isn’t just a problem for those of us with internet jobs, though – if you’ve ever shared anything online publicly (a photo, a video, a comment to a friend), it has already been used to train at least one AI system.

Obviously, AI is here and certainly playing a victim to it isn’t the answer – we aren’t crying and obviously continuing to just work harder to innovate, diversify, and keep long-time readers coming back. So last week, in NYC, I joined a panel with Tieghan of Half Baked Harvest, Kaitlin of Woks of Life, and Kevin of Country Rebel – representing all of the content creators out there whose businesses are being directly impacted by these large language models.

You see, AI is capturing new readers that historically have stumbled upon our human-led sites by typing in “how do you make hummus” or “what size for living room rug.” Now most of us are getting ahead of this already (we’ve been trying to create non-AI-able content for the last two years which I wrote about here), and it’s our job to create such compelling content to keep readers coming back HERE every day – “direct traffic” is our north star.

But what our digital media industry is seeing, as a whole, is a newfound inability to turn searchers into readers. Said another way: let’s pretend that you’re just getting into design. Maybe you’re decorating your house for the first time, and you Google a question like “how high should I hang my curtains?” In the past, a reader might click on a link to our site – and maybe they’d like it, and they’d sign up for the email list, and we’d earn ourselves another regular reader! But now, Google’s Gemini model is serving up our words in a very generic form – the searcher is never even given the option to check out our site.

Ironically, EHD’s search traffic is up in 2024 – our team has been working really hard to make sure that readers can still find us in a sea of generated answers, for which I’m so grateful. But that’s not the case for many other online digital media companies – there are major drops in traffic to more evergreen (year-round, year after year) posts because of AI. We can all see the writing on the wall, so I’m honored to be part of the group working to find solutions on behalf of thousands of small web businesses out there.

Will we be fine? Well, ask print magazines (gone due to blogs – mine included), local news and newspapers (gone because of podcasts and digital media sites), and the early 2010s design blogs (killed by social media and Pinterest). The “information industry” always changes, staying ahead of it has been a very exciting challenge over the past 15 years and it’s just part of social evolution. Being a large player in this industry for this long is remarkable on its own. And listen, I’ll write this blog until I die because I love the hell out of being right here. 

As the quantitative futurist Amy Webb recently said on Brene Brown’s podcast – navigating AI is like driving on ice, slamming on the breaks will kill you, you have to steer into the spin. Control the chaos and remain calm. The ice is cold and hard, but it’s here, and unless you want to get out of your car and walk you better learn how to drive on top of it to get where you want to go. I feel confident that Raptive – the tenth-largest digital media company in the world, with an online reach that’s larger than that of Hearst, Twitter, Fox, Reddit, etc. – is well-equipped to negotiate an agreement with AI companies that preserve the richness of humanity on the internet. 

What happens if they don’t?

Well, what I warned last week (and what I firmly believe) is that the following three things will happen in this order: 

1. Food, parenting, decor, lifestyle, and fashion blogs will lose traffic and revenue. Creators and our teams will have to find new revenue ASAP. If we can’t, our businesses will close. All doable, but sad for true followers. 
2. The internet will become wildly uninteresting. AI will essentially be its own parasite, sucking the entertainment and fun out of digital discovery.
3. As lifestyle websites powered by humans disappear, so will the quality “answers” that the AI has been scraping. Instead, it’s likely to serve up inaccurate and certainly un-nuanced answers to your questions. (This is already happening in a small way – like when Google’s Gemini suggested that searchers eat glue and rocks – but researchers know that it has the potential to get much worse, too. When AI models run out of information and begin ingesting AI-generated answers as a new data source, the models break. The entire internet, as we know it, would be rendered unnavigatable and unusable.
4. Bored by the now generic internet, people will simply pick up their phones and go to TikTok – the platform du jour that has been engineered to be quite an incredible search engine (Instagram, less so). Do I think that Google will disappear? Nope. Those folks are genius and they’ll figure it out, as long as they’re not eaten by a skilled AI model (like Claude, by Anthropic) or a rival search engine (like Perplexity, which functions exactly in the way you probably imagined Ask Jeeves to work about 25 years ago).

What do I think should happen? Glad you asked.

The legal landscape here is fraught, which makes this tricky: tons of AI companies have been sued for copyright infringement and it’s unclear how those court cases will shake out. But I do think that the current business leaders in AI – Google, Meta, OpenAI, Anthropic, Mistral, etc. – have an opportunity here to partner with human creators who have been and hope to continue to create real original content. Serve human responses higher in the algorithm, above the AI-generated answer. Pay us directly for our work, or license it, instead of stealing. Work directly with digital media experts, like the team at Raptive, to identify creators who are adding value to the internet ecosystem. To be fair, there is also some hope here! Caitlin has had some great conversations with startups like ProRata.ai, who are working on attribution technology – basically ensuring that creators are credited (and compensated) when their information is used to power profits for a multi-billion dollar AI business.

I don’t want to sound all doom and gloom. AI has some incredible applications. It can sort through extraordinary amounts of information and it can make connections that seem invisible to humans. It can (and will) radically transform medical diagnosis and treatment. It can empower human learning, creativity, and exploration.

But in the digital media space, it falls short. So I’m advocating for the creators who add richness to our lives – creators who bring us killer dinner party recipes, creators who help us feel more comfortable in our bodies, creators who take us behind the curtain and make us feel less alone. I’m advocating for my fellow authors, whose books were stolen and whose words now shape every answer spit out by a generative AI model (including mine). And I’m advocating for you, too: AI companies have trained models on information stolen from all of us, without offering us an option to opt out. I think we all deserve better. Let’s keep the humanity in the internet – we all know that’s more interesting to read about, anyway 🙂 What’s your take?

(If you’d also like to help keep the internet interesting, you can sign Raptive’s open letter on AI here. Every signature helps as they continue to advocate for a human-first internet.)

Also, here is a list of all the creators that attended the conference! Please check them out, enjoy their real content, and give them a follow if you like their stuff:)

*Photos via Raptive